Come on baby...give momma a tax break!

Yup, I told all my friends to pray for the baby to come TODAY! Feel free to add to the prayer power people! And many thanks to ya' for praying!

If she comes today that'll be another $1000 bucks on my tax return in February...hey that's one of the many great reasons to have all these kids, don't ya' know!? Okay, it's only a little kick back for the $100,000 or so (hey- I really don't think it costs that much, does it?) will be spending on her throughout her time here in the house until someone marries her. No, I don't want to think about that right now...

I'm tired and ready to be done little girl, so give momma' a break, will ya'? Or maybe I should be asking God. Lord, please? I want my lungs and stomache back and a few hours of sleep a night at least. I want to be able to eat something past 3 without it sitting in my chest like a raging fire no matter how much mylanta I swallow. I want to be able to roll over in bed again without hanging on to something or someone(thanks hubby) for dear life to do it...

Okay, I'll stop complaining. Something I will miss when the baby comes are my late night talks with my seven year old staring at my bare tummy asking me where the baby's head is and where is it's behind in there, Mom? Is that the baby making your tummy roll like that, Mom? Mom, what are those weird exercises you are doing? Pelvic rocks, to get the baby to face anterior instead of posterior. Mom, what does anterior mean? Then he puts his hand on my stomache and is amazed by the baby's movement...she really kicks me to peices and we get a thrill out of watching her do her acrobats at 10 pm all snuggled up in mom's bed. Yeah, I'll definitely miss that...I'll never forget these times with my very inquisitive second grade boy. I won't be too sad, because I do believe and hope we will be here again some day!

Thank God for all these dear, precious children! Give me grace, Lord, as I embrace the responsibility of one more. I pray my children are a blessing to you, Lord, and to the world around us...making it a better place to live. May I realize the gravity of what I do everyday in my mothering. I pray for power and wisdom and I pray for all the mothers everywhere, that you would give us all grace and help us understand how important we are to the whole world!

And to all of you...happy new year and may God bless you in your calling...whatever it is!

Beautiful Kids, Bad Picture, Stupid Camera

What is up with my camera?! I could take a million pictures on all the settings from a million different angles(okay not a million, but you catch my drift!) and still get the same bad pictures! I have a Nikon Cool Pix digital camera and it stinks...it stinks or my picture taking abilities are absolutely hopeless! I'm dumping this camera and does anybody have a digital camera they love that is in the $150-200 price range? Maybe I'll be on the road to taking better pictures once I get my Christmas present! We'll see if it was the camera or me...:)

I'm Dreaming of a Cold Christmas

Yeah, it would be nice to have a little bit of the white stuff for Christmas, but highly improbable down here in sunny Florida. But I thought to myself...hey, all I want is a cold Christmas. It's been 75 degrees all week and I can't believe it. Sometimes it makes you think...is the government messing with our weather patterns or is global warming something to consider or does God just have a really good sense of humor. I think it's more likely to be God than anything else. He's so funny! There's bumble bees flying around my yard in the middle of December...I have NEVER seen that before! Have you? Then at night, the mosquitoes are out biting you to peices. Go figure!

I remember when I was a kid growing up in Connecticut and all the snow we would get some winters. All the sledding, making snowman, caves and angels and having lot's of snowball fights with my siblings. There's some really fond memories. We had this really neat back yard. Way in the back was about a thirty foot straight drop for a hill then it hit the top of our back yard where we would build a big snow bump we would use as "the jump bump". Well, if you were really brave, you would take your sled to the top of the thirty foot drop, sled down it, hit the backyard "jump bump" and fly down the rest of the yard. Sometimes the speed of the whole process flung you right into the wall of the house, but was it fun! Whenever Dad heard us hit the wall he would come out and pitch a fit. I guess he had good reason this time...I wouldn't want a hole in the wall of my house either. :)

There were also times where the snowflakes were especially big and fluffy and came down so heavy. I would go outside late at night and listen to it fall...it gives you a feeling of peace that I guess only comes from God himself. Everything in the neighborhood looked like something from another world with all the heavy snow all over it. I would sit and stare silently for quite a long time and I didn't want to leave it...

Now my kids wonder when their chance to play in all the snow is going to come. I just keep telling them...some day. If my husband keeps talking about moving to Tennessee or Wisconsin then I think their day will come if we ever decide to move. Who knows, maybe even next Christmas? Until then, we are just praying for a cold Christmas while all you folks up north dream of one that is white.

Okay, Time to Get Happy!

Just want to say Merry Christmas ahead of time!

Caught Up in My Emotions

Just thinking about...

My impending birth...we are five weeks away now and it'll be my first natural, home-birth and VBAC after three c-sections.

My Mom and Dad.

My alcoholic brother and his poor wife and children.

The blessing of all these children around me.

The goodness of God and His endless provision for my family.

My other brother, who called me for the first time in years and I found out he's not interested in trusting Jesus as Savior, but assures me he does believe in God, but not in the bible.

My poor husband at work with all the stress of taking care of seriously injured people.

My home schooling or lack there of.

How much I miss my only close family member, my sister.

My only Grandmother's health.

The beauty of my relatonship with my husband.

The freedom in Christ I feel since we left our church and all of its legalism.

All my friends and family who can't bare children.

My longing to encourage mothers everywhere...young mothers, single mothers, unsaved mothers, mothers everywhere who feel that what they do doesn't matter and unappreciated.

Not having a family that I can lean on and finding somewhere in the sadness that God is all that I need.

The bible coming alive to me more than ever.

Being in limbo concerning faithful attendance to an institutional church.

Falling in love with hospitality to families from all walks of life.

Making new friends who are passionate about Christ.

Trying to figure out a name for this baby girl...help?!

Overwhelmed by the clutter and dust that I try to battle daily.

My third brother, who can't wait to get high and stupid while he attempts to care for his three year old and hoping my nephew's mother will knock some sense into my brother.

Praying for God to perform miralces in my family He seems to do for other families.

Looking at my children and crying to God, "Why did you choose to bless me with these little souls?" I hope I don't mess them up.

Hoping my children will see their need for Jesus in their hearts and lives.

Wanting to be a better wife and falling so short, so often.

I'm just caught up in the emotion of all these thoughts swirling around in my brain...

It goes on and on...

Oh God, give me peace, knowing that you will work all things together for good for those who walk in Christ...

I'm Okay

The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty.

I'm too old for this stuff, I'm well over thirty!

The car is not clean, my hair is a wreck,

And I've already spent next Friday's paycheck.

The laundry needs washing, the children too rowdy,

And I never have time for a leisurely "Howdy."

With all that I do, it's never enough,

It's never quite finished, it always looks rough.

I looked in my mirror and what did I see?

A harried old stranger, where I used to be.

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.

Today is tomorrow, and I'm not caught up yet.

My children are growing at such a fast pace,

That I'm missing their childhood for the sake of this race.

I work and clean and I cook, and I say,

"Hit the books, clean your room!" there's no time for play.

The Lord, for some reason, chose ME with the care

Of five of His children, but I'm rarely there!

I've GOT to slow down lest there's nothing to show

For my role as their mom when they pack up and go!

I'm only one person, but look through the door,

What appears to be one, divides into more!

I'm chauffeur, a cook, a planter of trees,

A teacher, an umpire, a mender of knees.

Sometimes I forget that deep down inside,

There's a lady with feelings, and last night she cried.

She gets tried and lonely, feels taken for granted.

She wants to see blooms from the seeds that she's planted.

Then, amidst all the turmoil in this mind-bending pace,

My little ones look at me square in the face....

And just when I need it, they all in one day

Say, "Momma, I love you" and then....I'm OKAY!

-Anonymous

Local Heritage Festival

We went to a local heritage festival at Blackwater forest preserve. It was really neat. The kids had a blast! They were able to shuck corn the old fashioned way, watch a blacksmith soder iron over a fire and look at some really interesting taxidermy. This guy had a stuffed alligator he caught himself and the thing was almost 20 feet long! The alligator feasted on stray dogs that would get too close to the water he was in. When the guy killed him he found like five or six dog collars in his stomache! Hmmmm... A local gentleman brought his mini army museum with him. He showed Ian all the weaponry and even how to kill the enemy three ways with one weapon. Yeah, Bob! Not! We all had a great time bonding as a family. The Forest preserve was beautiful (even if the leaves don't change down here in Florida).

Denying Your Child Wisely

I went to a ladies bible study today and I thought I would share what I have learned.

"And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself or be a cast away?" Luke 9:23-25

The host began by reading a quote from someone from the 1800s. This is not word for word, but here it goes..."At no other time in history have american children been given so many gifts without earning them and in such excess that they receive more on one birthday than their grandparents received in their whole lives." I just chuckle to myself as I think of all the Paul Family scenarios that played out in my mind as she said that. "Mom, can I have this and this and this for Christmas?" "Oh, Mom, but it's only a dollar, can I have it?" These things are said constantly to me when I am out with the children, that I have to explain in advance and fine detail, that when we are at the store we are not there to buy anything for them except food. They are kids and they are going to think of themselves. I am an adult and I still tend to be rather selfish, so, how typical for our kids not to be so brushed up on the denial of themselves without the proper training to do so.

The host also went around the room asking us what we have denied ourselves this week for Christ or for others. What have we sacrificed? How have we taken up our cross of self-denial? Boy, I was groping for an answer as she asked these questions. I was knee-deep in my own conviction. How often, in just the past week, had I given myself the best and gave someone else my leftovers. How often had I given God my leftover time and consideration in this past week.

One example would be that my husband is trying to renovate my sons' bedroom and he wanted to buy some really nice Ralph Lauren paint for their room. I just thought, goodness, that's (the price tag) is a bit much for some paint for the boys' room. I told him that I didn't think we had the money this week for such an expense, but yet I managed to buy a few things I like this week. What I bought was only a few dollars and not near the price of the paint, but I was still thinking of myself rather than thinking of the money that could have been put toward the paint. And surely, if I think hard enough there are so many areas in my life where my cross is not being taken up.

The point is that if we are ever going to learn to deny our child wisely in this life, we better be ready to live it out in our own lives as parents to the best of our ability...openly giving your best to God and others at the expense of giving yourself second best or being in last place...living simply so that you can give more. Self-denial is tough, but God never asked us to do something authentically in our heart without giving us the gift of peace and a good feeling for doing what was right. Ultimately, our love for our Heavenly Father is the reason for our selflessness. What a wonderful motivation to fuel our entire lives and what an example to our children!

Wonderful Life

How great is our God!

Thoughts from the week to reveal the greatness of my God:

My daughter's (she's 1 and a half) first prayer. It was dinner time around our table. We were all holding hands for our prayer of thanks for God's provision of food. I asked Sarah if she wanted to pray. She said, "Yeah." We all closed our eyes, but I still had my eyes open. She squinted her eyes tightly and began to mumble a prayer while she shoveled food into her mouth. Well, her eyes were closed, so she kept missing her mouth. She mumbled a little more and quietly said Amen. How great is my God!

My cousin, Ann-Marie was kept from very serious injury in a terrible car accident. Now, her car was demolished as the jaws of life were used to get her out, but she is doing well. Prayers for another car and continued healing of the bumps and bruises, aches and pains. How great is my God!

I went to my local midwife and it was a great report! I only gained one pound in three weeks! And only a total of 9 pounds. For 6 months of pregnancy that's not bad!! My blood pressure, urine test and sugar were excellent and the baby seems ultra healthy! How great is my God!

Homeschooling went well this week when we did it! It seems all parties involved are learning something...including me! How great is my God!

My husband was chosen to be (because of his excellent nursing skills- I am so proud of him!) the one on his floor at West Florida Hospital to go for a trauma workshop weekend at the Hilton on Pensacola beach and live in the lap of luxury for two days. He will miss work, but they pay for that, too. He deserves it! How great is my God!

A pipe busted under the house and my husband was able to fix it without the help of a plumber. It only cost $12 to fix! How great is my God!

I was able to go to a refreshing ladies bible study and also get away with friends before for some dinner. We also met up with some dear friends on Sunday and had a great time in the word and in fellowship. How great is my God!

I could go on and on....

Thank you Lord, for blesssing my life above measure!

It's a Girl!

So, it's a girl. Yeah! Who thought it would be so hard to get a picture of the ultrasound picture?! Anyway, my belly's getting bigger and it feels like everything else is getting bigger, too. I'm past feeling like a beached whale...now I'm more likely to be compared to a buffalo. Ya' know when you're at the store and you feel like everybody is staring at your stomache? I feel like saying, "So what? Haven't you ever seen a chubby pregnant lady before?" Some good news is the baby appears to be completely healthy. Amen for that! God is good. He always is!

The Filling of Our Christians Minds

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

True

Honest

Pure

Lovely

Of Good Report

These are the character traits of the things that should be filling our Christian minds. Today it is becoming increasingly difficult to just fill our minds with these things. A typical day for us on this quest to fill our minds with only good things is fraught with land mines that seem to hide subtly every where and then there are the constant, blatant attacks from satan to thwart the mind of the Christian. I have to ask myself all the time...what am I filling my mind with?

We don't have cable t.v. and I rarely turn the thing on, but last night I wasn't feeling too great and needed a reprieve from everyday life and felt "the need" to turn the dumb thing on. It being Saturday night, my choices were few. I had the choice of sex, violence, inuendos, sarcasm, off-humor, the blasting of a biblical home and oh, the solving of someone's true-life, horrible murder. Mind you, some of this stuff might be true, but it sure ain't lovely. Even the news, does God want us to be constantly fill our minds with death, peril, destruction and murder? I gave up and went to bed, my time probably better suited in prayer to begin with.

I know we can all get on our soap box about what is appropriate for the Christian to focus upon in there life. I just want to take a step back and examine. What is God pleased with?...even things that seem harmless and even good in our minds.

For example, I've gotten lost in some music that I've been interested in lately. It is not Christian music neither is it necessarily wrong, but I have found that lately, if I had the choice, I would choose it over Christian music. I feel it somewhat draws my heart from the Lord by filling it with all things but God. When I prefer to fill up on the world's "good" things instead of God's, I walk away feeling quite empty after it is all said and done.

In a world of mass media of all shapes and sizes, we must be careful to guard our hearts and minds. The Lord has given us a precious priviledge and responsibility as Christians to be a shining light in a such a dark place. Let's not dim the light we put forth by filling our time, our minds, our life with all the unlovely and seemingly lovely things that the world has to offer.

Deb's Got Her Groove Back

School's here again (well, it never actually went away, aren't we all learning something knew everyday?). And I think, I got my groove back. For a while there I felt as if I was spiraling out of control, lost in a sea of Abeka books (and there's a ton for all of you who use their curriculum!), work sheets, planners and pencils! I came up with a really great idea for myself. It takes all day to teach if I go "by the book" the way they do in a typical school setting so I'm going to try a different strategy this year. Jacob's first grade year will be completely taught with all the typical lesson plans and workbooks, the way Abeka has it orginally set up. With Ian, I will skip the lesson plans each day and teach him directly out of his workbooks and have him do his seat work on his own, if he needs help he can come to me. He is such an avid reader that I feel confident in letting him do his own work and helping him when he needs it. I will, of course, go over his work to see if he's understanding all the concepts.

Brian helps me in the morning by occupying the other children so I can completely concentrate on Jacob for two hours. I have been trying to make a nice dinner for lunch each day before Brian goes to work at 2. So, it's chores and then breakfast, bible time, then Jacob's schooling, Daddy keeps all the other kids happy, then a nice lunch, then Sarah goes down for her nap, then it's time to school Ian and to make time for Lauren(she usually likes to paint or read books or play a learning game on the computer if I'm not available to her at the moment), then mommy gets a nap while baby's asleep and other kids are watching a video or playing a computer game, more chores, dinner time, quiet, read-a-book time, baths, brush teeth, prayers and ready for bed!

Yeah, Buddy! Deb's got her groove back. It's nice to have a schedule again after Summer's long, free-for-all. Thank you, Lord! Hey, I know life doesn't always work this neatly and I'm okay with that. But for most days, I hope this schedule works out for our family.

Our Vacation

We've been back for about a week from being on our trip to the WI/IL area. We were mainly wanting to join a celebration for my Grandma's 90th birthday. It was nice to see the family, but it was strange and very brief. We are not close to the family anymore, so it's like meeting a bunch of familiar faces, but not so familiar in friendship. I would have liked to be a part of everyone's little gatherings they had together with the other family members who were from out of town. We drove 1000 miles to see and be with the whole family. Maybe they think we are not interested in coming over and spending time with them...I don't know. The ones that are close seem to get closer and the ones that are distant seem to drift further apart. If my sister didn't live in the area, I would have been dissappointed by the lack of acknowledgement of our family being in town. One uncle said he would have us to come over and visit maybe, but I guess he was too busy to meet with us. We love the whole family and want to be included, but it's hard when you are nice but exclusive at the same time.

We went to see Grandma in her nursing home and we had a great visit. She has always made time for me no matter how busy she's been and that makes me feel special. Her letters...she always wrote back to me even though her poor old hand has a hard time holding her pen. We could all learn something from her I think.
Just stop and take the time...
Kathy always did that for me when we visited. She always took the time to stop and be with me, make me laugh and show me a good time. I miss her so much. I guess what was isn't anymore and that makes me a little sad. I guess that's life. It's time to start my own family legacy as my childhood family continues to slip through my fingers. I'm sad and happy all at once.

Well, I really didn't want to go there. I did have a great time with my sister. But we could have a great time if we were stranded on a deserted island with nothing but cockroaches and algae to eat.

We spent a lot of time together, just us, as a family and that was very beneficial to us. By the way, our family has been doing just great for all those who want to know. No need to worry about us, God is healing and doing a work in our family we haven't allowed him to do before. Amen and amen!

As for the Rehfeldt family, no hard feelings, I'll always love you from...a distance.

For All Mothers Who Feel Invisible

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."In the days ahead I would read - no, devoured - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

God Bless You as you build your Cathedrals!

-author unknown

I'm Gone

Yup, I'm gone.
Well, I will be gone tomorrow morning for a week and a half. Me, my husband and our four children 7 and under. Yeah, I know, what are we thinking?? It'll be the first time in a while that we've been together on a trip like this. I hope all goes well and if it doesn't that the Lord will give us grace and the level of maturity it takes to handle unexpected problems that seem to arise on trips like these.

It'll be a good trip, it'll be a good trip, it'll be a good trip...if I say this enough, will it happen? Oh me of little faith. Welp, glad to go and see all the faces I'll see. Especially my sis. My one and only sis. :)

I'm gone. Yippee. Open road and screaming baby. Okay, it's not all bad...

Happy Reunion

We are about to travel nearly a thousand miles to go and celebrate the 90th birthday of my very dear Grandmother. It's a celebration of quite an amazing life. I didn't have the opportunity to live near grandma as a child, but my mother always made a point to visit her at least once a year and I have always tried to keep in touch with her through letters. I am so looking forward to the reunion with her and the rest of the family that will join us.

My grandma was a war bride (WWII) to a handsome man. They had 12 beautiful children together and struggled to make ends meet. Grandma did her best to stretch out the food and money. My mother tells me stories of grandma buying sacks of potatoes and her cutting them up and making fried potatoes or home made fries and that would be dinner for the night because that is all they had. A special treat would be ice cream, of which was cut into 12 peices, enough for all the kids to have a small taste. They had an out house and who knows what the substitute for toilet paper was! There came a point when grandma started taking all the kids to church. Grandma became a Christian and the children followed in her footsteps.

The most impressive thing to me is the children she raised. None of them are perfect and have gone through their own growing lessons as we all do in life, but there is something that seems magical to me that happens when we all get together. Aunts, Uncles, cousins and cousins and cousins, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers...there is one person that unites all of us and that is grandma. I feel close to her with each letter, birthday card, and every other kind of card we all recieve from her every year. She sends them to everyone in the family. That's unbelivable considering how many are in the family and I've lost count.

Anyway, can't wait to see you, grandma!

Depleted Uranium

I don't know why I do this. Do you ever get sucked into really bad news and then it consumes you? I recently began reading about what depleted uranium does to a baby in utero. Horrible, consuming stuff! Bad choice of research for me right now. Especially since I am pregnant. Then you read the day to day news...another bad idea. I like knowing what's going on in the world, but I don't think I can take anymore bad news. Some news close to our town was about a teenager who was to adopt her new baby out to some agency (supposedly), but "they" ended up stealing the baby. She was all over the news saying,"Please, someone help me find my baby!" Several days later on the same news channel she was charged with killing her newborn, then dumping the baby in the garbage can. The garbage truck came and got the trash for the day and the baby hasn't been found since.

The world's gone mad and sometimes it puts my stomache in knots.

If I wasn't a Christian I think I would go mad along with the rest of the world. I'm thankful that the Lord keeps my mind under control when I see what the world is doing and how they are living. There are brighter things to think about and the bible is filled with promises for every Christian. I guess I should start thinking about that instead.

I Can't Sleep!

I can't sleep.

This bout of insomnia is coming terribly early in this pregnancy. I'm only about a little over four months along. I can't afford to not be able to sleep right now. When I'm 8 and 9 months insomnia is inevitable for me, but not now. I'm not willing to take pills, but would rather type until my eyes swell shut or *okay* even remotely close. Here goes nothing...

We went to our house church meeting tonight and it was interesting. Something God is showing me more than anything in these meetings is that I have God packaged up in a neat little box and I am threatened by things that do not fit in the box that I put God in. Make sense? Okay, maybe not. I read the bible and gain the knowledge of who God is, what He's like and how to have a close relationship with Him. The "box" is anything outside the bible I make God to be or the rules I think He wants me to keep. In other words, my "box" is my bondage.

Who am I to think anything should be done a certain way if it is not clearly laid out for me in scripture? I guess that would be a declaration of my best assumption, not a proclamation of biblical doctrine. What's even worse is I use my assumptions of God wants to gage the spirituality of others. That's where my box gets me into the most trouble. Can't the Holy Spirit simply guide and direct each individual as He so chooses? Each in a different way?

There is no denomination, no superior person or situation that can cage and keep the Holy Spirit. He can't be boxed up and neatly packaged by the one choosing to be possessed by Him, although we try. I try. I realize there is a fine line to be drawn between solid, biblical doctrine and what we think is right beyond the written of God. But we can't be the Holy Spirit for someone else nor can we impose upon someone our boxed up beliefs.

For instance, I have struggled with what is considered good, Christian music for years. I have heard well-intended speakers misuse scripture to "prove" that most Christian music as we know it today is completely unacceptable to God and that we should all be trapped in the 1950s with our musical style and lyrics or it can't be right. That's a box some have put God in. I am deeply moved in my spirit by music today that I would find have found unacceptable in the past. Grant it, there are some pretty fluffy songs that are weak on God and doctrine so much so that is could be sung at any concert, Christian or otherwise. My God's spirit within me keeps me in check. My heart knows. I recieve a pull from God telling me that this or that is not good for me.

This is funny and off the subject, but He always tugs my heart about what would seem to many of you insignificant. Stuff like putting your grocery cart back when you are done with it instead of stuffing it beside someone's passenger door. That one gets me every time. No, I don't always listen and put the cart where it needs to go, but for me and my heart, I probably should, but again, that personal persuasion of mine cannot be put over anyone else.

I choose to homeschool my kids. I think it is superior, but would I impose my belief on others? I would like to, but that is another part of my packaging up my ideals of life. I can give my opinions, but what does the bible say? That's what truly matters. Anyway, my head is starting to get fuzzy...

Goofing Around on a Rainy Saturday Afternoon

A New Blog

Soo...I'm following in my sister's footsteps and getting a new blog. I know, it's not like having a new car or even a new pair of shoes, but it's seems like it will be a better experience for me since I can post pictures with ease. I appreciate the "freeness" the other blog provided, but this is free too and it seems far better. Who knows? Maybe the whole thing will crash with out warning like my Yahoo Mail account did. I lost all the email addresses and info I had on there. What's up with yahoo? I guess you can't complain when something is free.

Looking forward to writing more and posting a lot more pictures of our family.