Dusting off the Blog and My Heart

Wow.

Life has been a rolling along and my poor blog has been entirely neglected by it's owner. Poor little bloggy. Welcome to the world of facebook. Blogs are nice for people who can really write, but facebook is where it is at for those who have a very, very short attention span. Eh, hem.

*long thoughtful pause followed by a sigh* I can't believe all that has taken place in my life in the last six months. One mentionable high on the list in the part of my mind that never sleeps is, well, my Dad.

I do feel numb that my Dad is going to die soon. It feels weird and strange for me. I can't imagine what it might seem like for him. For the Christian, is death really that joyous thing that happens when you are safely ushered into the arms of Jesus? I'd like to believe that, but as I sit here and think of what it would be like to die when I still have kids and a husband to love, sadness overwhelms me at the thought of it(the "d" word), even as a Christian, dare I say.

I'm dusting off my blog to tell nobody, somebody what I feel about this death thing. Personally, and without much "pat-answer, Christian reason" I don't think death is fair sometimes. I don't think it's fair that little children have to suffer and die in this world. Many or most of you would agree. On the same level of unfairness, I think is my Dad being broad-sided, without warning, by cancer and impending death at 69. I have no intention to shake my fist at God. I trust His judgement on the whole, but in times like these I wonder, well, the proverbial question: Why?

There is much unfinished business and much to understand and to forgive. Is it fair that he should slip away, peacefully in his sleep without coming to grips with all that he has done? Most of you don't understand where I stand or where I come from, but I need to know why people die and leave behind so much unfinished business behind them. I guess it is not for me to know, maybe. And, at this point, does it really matter?

As I write all this in my attempt to dust off my blog I realize that I need to dust off my heart as well. I have become callouse towards my Dad. I don't hate my Dad, but the trap of holding on to the past and the present, for that matter, keep me in a place of indifference that I don't want to be, especially now since these could very well be the last days that he has on this earth.

So I'm asking God to help me. I need help loving him and letting my heart be affected by his sufferings...because I am a Christian. I struggle to have the mind of Christ. I know I can love my Dad without a return of that love, but it is hard. It's hard not to have your father's love, in life and in especially in death. It's very, very hard. I'm a non-person to him and I have to let all the pent up emotion and feeling that surrounds that thought...I need to let that go.

And by God's grace I will. I surely will.

My One and Only Sister

In about 57 minutes it will be my sister's birthday.

I wanted to write some things about my one and only on the eve of her 35th year.

When Beth and I were little we always had to share a room. What with 5 children and seemingly always a small space for us to fit in, that was inevitable. I'll say it's partially what helped bring us close when we were little...having to share a lot of things, not just a room. I will never forget the nightmares I had as a child that sent me running into my sister's arms for comfort. She would protect me from the monsters by laying her arm across my chest the whole night through. She didn't know it, but I would wake up and when I could feel her arm there I knew it was alright to go back to sleep again...I was safe.

We spent many nights hiding behind the sofa where mom sat to relax and get a few evening shows in. She'd eventually hear us behind her and we would dash to the bedroom all while laughing and yelling, "Book, Momma's coming!" It was a joke...mom never really cared that much that we were up that late on a school night. Mom was laid back when it came to that kind of stuff, but shoot, don't you dare make her late to anything! I remember getting left at the house one time when I didn't get ready quick enough. Mom went around the block and I was in a panic. I thought she wasn't going to come back around, but she did.

Beth was always the good kid in the family for the most part and in some ways I wanted to be like her. She was my big sister. I also remember fighting over who got showers, curling irons and a certain shirt first. One time me and my sister were at my brother's house visiting when we were still in high school. Well, we both decided we wanted to wear the same article of clothing that morning. An all out brawl insued over who was going to have it. I think I won. I can laugh my head off about that now!

We never had a lot of money to buy a doll house for our barbies, so we made our own house out of books, cardboard or whatever we could find. My mom would let us take blankets and some furniture outside in the summer time and make rooms on the lawn and we would pretend we owned our own house. Guests (neighbors) were invited over to our "house" and it was so much fun. We went to a neighbor's house and played "pageant". We dressed up in different clothes and walked down the made up runway to show off our stuff. I was always the chubby kid in the bunch, so when it was my turn to walk down the runway the kids laughed and poked fun at me. I ran away and cried. My big sister was there for me and I think I remember her consoling me.

We sang together, laughed together, cried together and fought together. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. She's my friend like no other friend. I can't totally be myself around anyone else that I know. I don't have to put it on, gloss it over or fake it up when I am with her. That kind of relationship is priceless. What can I say? I miss her and I love her. Cheers, Bethy, and may it be the happiest of all birthdays.

Pizza Picnic on the Beach

Hodge Podge

Lauren has gotten into the habit of taking pictures with my camera. She loves it and has taken many, really good pictures like this one here. I think I might have a photographer on my hands.


Well, homeschooling the kids has started back up again and I think it is going to go quite well this year. I have a better plan and I am definitely going to keep it simple with the two younger ones, focusing on the three R's and a little cursive, spelling and some science. For them it will be mostly Abeka. I love Abeka's phonics program and their readers for 1st-3rd grade, so we try to stick with this curriculum for the most part for the first three grades.


Ian's schedule will be somewhat different. He is in 4th grade now and does so well with school that we are going to do some more for him this year. For science we are going to do Abeka 4th grade. Math will be Saxon 4/5 this year and it has turned out to be much better than Abeka for us. I love Abeka's colorful pictures and even the neat quotes included, but it is just WAY too much for a little kid to get accomplished. I mean he was doing big, long division problems by the middle of his third grade year. Give me a break, right? Gheesh, I went to public school in the third grade and remember just barely getting the basic multiplication problems memorized by the END of the year and I went to a good school.


Anyway, Saxon is boring to look at, but it's much better and goes much slower and more incremental instead of exploding into 8 different concepts on one worksheet. For spelling, a friend gave us a comprehensive spelling book that we will use, just some public school book. It's older and looks really good concerning how they get the kids remember the words, meanings, etc. I found a neat history book at the goodwill store that we will use. For tests in that subject I will use the chapter reviews. For our baisc reading it will BJU's I Met You in a Story for fourth grade. He will also be reading missionary biographies of Gladys Aylward and William Duncan.

I will be doing cursive with all of them as a group. I haven't really pushed cursive that hard yet. I like the idea of them having beautiful cursive handwriting, but wonder if it is necessary if they can write neatly in manuscript. Things have changed in our society and I think they will be using their computer keyboard more than their pen. I would like them to become proficient in typing. I have them type emails to their friends when we get a chance. I personally don't remember handwriting papers in college. I had to type most of the time because that is what the teacher required. I also remember the kids in high school receiving kudos for typing their papers instead of writing them.

Anway, Fridays will be our creative writing day. They all do copywork everyday, but we really struggle to creatively write. I think I will keep the writing to any subject they choose or out of something they read. We used to google pictures of interest, then copy and past them to my documents then we would print them, cut them out and paste them to lined paper, then they have to write a story about their pictures. Brian will be studying the bible with the kids when he is able during the day.


He started picking up his guitar again and getting us all around for singing praise and worship songs. I look forward to us singing more together. I would love to get the kids down to a nursing home to sing for the elderly someday. Maybe we could get good enough for Christmas time. We'll see.


Also, having an acre of land has it's benefits. We explore the yard often for bugs, spiders, *snakes(yes!), flowers(we have several kinds in our large yard), frogs, rabbits, possums and many kinds of trees. In the winter we may see deer and coyotes. We are waiting for the weather to cool down so we can really enjoy being outside for longer periods of time.

Anyway, on top of homeschooling we have been trying to get ahead financially. We got seriously behind when Brian switched shifts which dropped $1200 of our income a month and also we spent the months of June and July making unexpected visits to family for a couple of weeks. Needless to say all that set us back. We are really concerned about this economy and wonder where we are headed in this country. I know I shouldn't worry, but I really want to stay informed and be prepared in any way that I can be. I have friends and some family that are stockpiling guns, ammo and have fire and tamper proof safes. I have other friends who are stockpiling buckets of wheat, rice and oats, etc. I know, it makes me start to freak out, because these people aren't the type that you would peg to do this sort of thing.

Some men trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I realize that, but I wouldn't mind putting my trust in the Lord while I have a few of those other things to go with my trust. Until next blog post...

Divine Brownies and What Else Could There Be?

Okay...I love brownies. Who doesn't? But when you take the ordinary brownie and turn it into a divine explosion of chocolate in your mouth it brings a whole new meaning for the love of all things brownie. Here's what you do:

-Buy one of the above brownie mix and three of the above chocolate bar.

-Mix the box mix as directed(I use the cake recipe)

-Then put half of the mix in a 13x9 pan

-Unwrap the chocolate bars and layer them on top of your brownie mix in the pan (and, hey, if you want to use cheaper candy bars, go ahead!)

-Then pour and smooth the rest of the mix on top of the bars

-Bake as directed and then...

Die from deliciousness!

Maybe this is an old trick, but I have never tried this before and I wish I had.