I Can't Sleep!

I can't sleep.

This bout of insomnia is coming terribly early in this pregnancy. I'm only about a little over four months along. I can't afford to not be able to sleep right now. When I'm 8 and 9 months insomnia is inevitable for me, but not now. I'm not willing to take pills, but would rather type until my eyes swell shut or *okay* even remotely close. Here goes nothing...

We went to our house church meeting tonight and it was interesting. Something God is showing me more than anything in these meetings is that I have God packaged up in a neat little box and I am threatened by things that do not fit in the box that I put God in. Make sense? Okay, maybe not. I read the bible and gain the knowledge of who God is, what He's like and how to have a close relationship with Him. The "box" is anything outside the bible I make God to be or the rules I think He wants me to keep. In other words, my "box" is my bondage.

Who am I to think anything should be done a certain way if it is not clearly laid out for me in scripture? I guess that would be a declaration of my best assumption, not a proclamation of biblical doctrine. What's even worse is I use my assumptions of God wants to gage the spirituality of others. That's where my box gets me into the most trouble. Can't the Holy Spirit simply guide and direct each individual as He so chooses? Each in a different way?

There is no denomination, no superior person or situation that can cage and keep the Holy Spirit. He can't be boxed up and neatly packaged by the one choosing to be possessed by Him, although we try. I try. I realize there is a fine line to be drawn between solid, biblical doctrine and what we think is right beyond the written of God. But we can't be the Holy Spirit for someone else nor can we impose upon someone our boxed up beliefs.

For instance, I have struggled with what is considered good, Christian music for years. I have heard well-intended speakers misuse scripture to "prove" that most Christian music as we know it today is completely unacceptable to God and that we should all be trapped in the 1950s with our musical style and lyrics or it can't be right. That's a box some have put God in. I am deeply moved in my spirit by music today that I would find have found unacceptable in the past. Grant it, there are some pretty fluffy songs that are weak on God and doctrine so much so that is could be sung at any concert, Christian or otherwise. My God's spirit within me keeps me in check. My heart knows. I recieve a pull from God telling me that this or that is not good for me.

This is funny and off the subject, but He always tugs my heart about what would seem to many of you insignificant. Stuff like putting your grocery cart back when you are done with it instead of stuffing it beside someone's passenger door. That one gets me every time. No, I don't always listen and put the cart where it needs to go, but for me and my heart, I probably should, but again, that personal persuasion of mine cannot be put over anyone else.

I choose to homeschool my kids. I think it is superior, but would I impose my belief on others? I would like to, but that is another part of my packaging up my ideals of life. I can give my opinions, but what does the bible say? That's what truly matters. Anyway, my head is starting to get fuzzy...