Father's day. This whole post is after the fact, but still needs to be written for my own sanity's sake. I had a horrible *scratch that*...uh...less than perfect father. Dad. He was a doozey. He still is, but I will say the years have mellowed him out some. I have posted about Dad in the past, but before you all gasp, this one will be different in a good way. I promise. Just give me a minute or two to get the lead out.
First, I 'd like to say that Dad could write a book about the atrocities of his own childhood. He didn't have a great foundation to build his family on. That foundation was broken and decaying long before me and my siblings came into the picture. Knowing that brings a whole lot into perspective for me and despite it all, puts much sympathy in my own heart for him. Having said that, I believe in sympathy, but I also believe in accountability and truthfulness.
Dad supposedly became a Christian(the bible says in Hebrews 12 if you do not live peaceably with all men and follow after holiness you will not see God), then a Pastor (how he was even allowed to do that given the things he was doing to his own family is beyond me), then a father...there ought to be at least a class or something you do before becoming one of these. No one is perfect, I know. I am the epitome of imperfection. I'm not even hinting at imperfection here in any small way. We are just talking about basic decency. I would never list the things my father has said and done because it would seem uncharitable on my part to do so and also it would just defeat the purpose for which I write.
My question is: how do I love someone who is so unlovely? He comes to my mind and it's hard to think of anything but hurt, anger(not bitterness, *please* understand the difference) and flat-out despair. I can only say that it must be the Lord that encourages me to look at my father through the eyes of love when my flesh drives me to the edge of hate. My heavenly Father reminds me of His infinite love for me and it can only spill over into the life I have with my earthly father. God gives me the ability to do things I could never do on my own. I can honestly say I love my Dad and not because he deserves it or because I feel like it, but that my God expects it from me and He blesses me greatly for my obedience to Him.
I have to forgive my Dad every day. I forgave him years ago in a very general way, but I have to forgive him again and again for each new transgression he commits. Grace. God expects it from me just like I expect it from Him. He fuels me with His power because He knows I could never do it on my own.
The Plight of Eyeyore
13 years ago
3 comments:
Thanks for you post. No family is perfect. And I have prayed that someday your father would apoligize to his family for some of his ways.
May you have learn what "not" to be and ask God go give you wisdom with the family that He has given you to be "what" you should be...by the grace of God.
Thanks Juliet.
We are all sinners, but Christians should not willfully live in sin nor should they avoid asking for forgiveness from God and others they have wronged. The bible gives the church clear guidelines of how to handle christians who live this way(Matthew 18:15-18). If any Christian lives unremorseful in sin to God and others I would question that person's salvation. How can the God of the universe save us, fill us with His spirit but then not give us the power to overcome sin even remotely? Of course I sin, but my sin grieves me to repentance and right relationships with people. My father needs to be called on the table for the unspeakable damage he has caused(and is causing) in the lives of his family. He won't listen to me when I lovingly attempt to reveal his sin to him and the authority over him will not bring him before the church and insist on his repentance. SO, he continues to teach bible classes and be a head of visitation programs and such at his church.
God has given me much wisdom in my own family. I wish to have nothing but the heart of God. Through repentance of sin to God, forgiveness to each other my life with my husband and children has been absolutely amazing and wonderful for at least the last two years. This is the life I would like to have with my own dad but he refuses to listen. If it wasn't for the Lord I'd be just as messed up as my brothers, who without the Lord, do not know how to deal with the abuse they suffered under my father.
Yes, I will continue to ask the Lord to help me be what I should be for him by the grace of God, but by the grace of God I pray for my Dad to realize how he has wronged us and that he will ask for forgiveness. If that never happens I pray to God that forgiveness will continue to flow on my end of things.
Much love and thanks again for your encouragement, Juliet.
I'm hearing you Debagain! And I hear your maturity,your struggle, your searching.It's good you are expressing the things on your heart. God hears you..and probably your Dad too...But oh..how [too] proud he must be! In his own heart I'm sure he says things to you he won't tell you because of his pride. Time heals, forgives...and erases [some]...courgage!
I love you,
Aunt Linda in Rockford this month [June 2008]..Going to MT in July.
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