Father's day. This whole post is after the fact, but still needs to be written for my own sanity's sake. I had a horrible *scratch that*...uh...less than perfect father. Dad. He was a doozey. He still is, but I will say the years have mellowed him out some. I have posted about Dad in the past, but before you all gasp, this one will be different in a good way. I promise. Just give me a minute or two to get the lead out.
First, I 'd like to say that Dad could write a book about the atrocities of his own childhood. He didn't have a great foundation to build his family on. That foundation was broken and decaying long before me and my siblings came into the picture. Knowing that brings a whole lot into perspective for me and despite it all, puts much sympathy in my own heart for him. Having said that, I believe in sympathy, but I also believe in accountability and truthfulness.
Dad supposedly became a Christian(the bible says in Hebrews 12 if you do not live peaceably with all men and follow after holiness you will not see God), then a Pastor (how he was even allowed to do that given the things he was doing to his own family is beyond me), then a father...there ought to be at least a class or something you do before becoming one of these. No one is perfect, I know. I am the epitome of imperfection. I'm not even hinting at imperfection here in any small way. We are just talking about basic decency. I would never list the things my father has said and done because it would seem uncharitable on my part to do so and also it would just defeat the purpose for which I write.
My question is: how do I love someone who is so unlovely? He comes to my mind and it's hard to think of anything but hurt, anger(not bitterness, *please* understand the difference) and flat-out despair. I can only say that it must be the Lord that encourages me to look at my father through the eyes of love when my flesh drives me to the edge of hate. My heavenly Father reminds me of His infinite love for me and it can only spill over into the life I have with my earthly father. God gives me the ability to do things I could never do on my own. I can honestly say I love my Dad and not because he deserves it or because I feel like it, but that my God expects it from me and He blesses me greatly for my obedience to Him.
I have to forgive my Dad every day. I forgave him years ago in a very general way, but I have to forgive him again and again for each new transgression he commits. Grace. God expects it from me just like I expect it from Him. He fuels me with His power because He knows I could never do it on my own.